The randomest Sly Cooper Stories Ever!
by Wolf-Coon
Summary: A whole bunch of randomness happens, and there's not really a reason other than boredom. Rating bumped up for safety. Chapter 2 up! Can anyone guess who the person is who checks on the guy on the floor? And who IS the guy on the floor?
1. Chapter 1

I'm writin' the story 'Cause I wanna!

And 'Cause I'm boredz!  
I don't own the Sly series or anything in it.

No one will be harmed in this story...much.

Suddenly Sly and his gang pops up in a blank area that's nothing but white.

Suddenly Carmelita appears screaming like a maniac, blathering about killer kittens under a couch or something like that.

"EEEEEEEE SLY WHY IS CARMELITA RUNNIN IN CIRCLES AND SCREAMING I'M SCARED!" Says Murray. Poor scared Murray.

Sly slaps Murray and a chicken with a pitchfork appears. "YOU HAVE VIOLATED MY EVIL TERMS OF SERVICE! 3 DAY BAN!"

Suddenly Sly is in a cardboard box. Carmelita shoots the chicken and eats it. Poor dumb chicken.

Everyone passes out except for Bentley. Suddenly a weird looking blob crawls up and eats Bentley. Poor screaming Bentley.

Sly and his gang suddenly pop up somewhere 3 days later. They find out they're back in blood bath bay.

"Weren't we here on our mission to get to my family Vault?" says Sly. Suddenly a kitten runs by holding a knife, and his tail is on fire and bloody.

Poor burning Kitten. Everyone is eaten by a Shark. The shsark realises he can't breathe air and dies, coughing up the gang. Poor dead shark.

Suddenly a strawberry pops up on the ground. "BOB! My long lost strawberry!" Bentley screams.

Bentley runs up and hugs it. Sly says "BENTLEY! YOU'RE WALKING!" Bentley ignores him.

Suddenly Neyla and I get warped into this twisted story.

I scream "NEYLA?! OH EHM GEE! IT'S THE IDIOTIC POOP-ANIMAL!"

Everyone explodes.

Sorry. We're having technical difficulties because Neyla's brain fell out when she was born.

We'll be back in the next chapter.

So what'd ya think?! R&R !! Next up: Kareoke! HOMG CLOCKWERK CAN SING?!


	2. Chapter 2

WC: Hay guize. Long time no see! Sorry I disappeared from FFN. I mean, I've been here, reading, but haven't really posted any stories. I've improved a lot on my writing since I last posted a story, just that I have a few things I still need to improve on. But I think I kind of improved.

Sub: Yeah, whatever. You still haven't updated TOCA.

WC: I might quit it and rewrite a new SI, with less crappy-ness.

Sub: HEY! ..Errrrm.. -doesn't know whether to be insulted or not-

WC: SI implies self. So you might not be in it, you could be. No clue. Maybe there will be a cameo appearance, or a spoof chapter. Maybe I can continue TOCA then start on the other, and have the stories meet up for a short amount of time or even continue together from said point.

Jazz: Enough talking, you two. Jeebus, this A/N is really long, so far. Ahem..

Bentley: Oh, right. Disclaimers! WC does not own the Sly Series, we belong to Sucker Punch.

Jazz: (..Cause it'd be a whole lot more messed up if she owned it..)

WC: HEY! D

WC: ..Ahem. On with the story.

* * *

Somewhere in a cafe, after midnight...

The lights flicked on above the small stage, and a few people booed as an all too familiar metal owl slowly walked out on stage. Said owl

hissed at the audience, a rather scary sound indeed, and nothing was heard but silence for a moment.

"Ahem," the large avian cleared his throat whether it needed clearing or not. He continued. "Well, as you can see, tonight is kareoke night." the bird pointed out. "And I am going to be your fir--" before he finished talking, a tin can was thrown in his direction, landing right in his beak.

"Shut up, you freak, and get off the stage!" a man yelled. This yell and unwanted tin can was responded to by the tin can being spit right back at the man, whom promptly fell unconscious. Or dead. A young black and white, very odd looking wolf was sent out to check on him. After checking his pulse, she stood up. "Yep, he's dead." she announced, with a neutral, almost bored tone.

Clockwerk sighed. Tonight was going nowhere so far. He attempted to continue from where he started off. "I am going to be the first singer here toni--" he was stopped as multiple plates of food were thrown at him. Finally, this made him mad. A little too mad.

The large, mechanical creature began flying, and this flying took him straight through the roof, ripping the whole of said roof off with him. As he got up fairly high in the air, he began speaking. "You people are idiots!" he said with a venomous, hiss-like tone before throwing the roof back down, the entire thing crushing everyone in the main room.

Meanwhile..

Sly sat in the front room of the Paris safehouse, opening a package: a new Playstation 2. "Now how will I get this thing open?" He quietly said to himself, picking at some of the plastic on the box. Finally, he got an idea. He ran into the kitchen, quickly grabbing a knife and running back to the box. He stabbed the box, making a slit in the plastic.

Picking at where the plastic and cardboard were cut, he finally got ahold of the plastic wrapping, peeling the cursed material off of the box. As he opened the cardboard part, he began absent-mindedly singing, in a terribly high-pitched, off-tune voice.

Upon hearing the wretched, infernal noise, Bently quickly wheeled himself into the room to investigate. Upon noting Sly was now loudly singing, he rolled his wheelchair over to Sly and did the completely mature and sane thing to do: He began screaming at the top of his lungs, "SHUT UPPPPPPP!" until he ran out of air and passed out.

Sly just stared at him. And stared...and stared..then realised something.

"..You're in my way." he said, knocking Bentley over, who rolled out of his chair and to the other side of the room. Sly had by now gotten the ps2 open and assembled, so he got up and went over to the TV, setting the device up. He got out the game that came with it.

_Sly 2: Band of Thieves._

He took the disc out of the case and shoved it into the console, turning said console on. When the game came on, he started a new game. He stared at the intros and such, dumbfounded. ".....HOW DID THEY FIND ALL THIS OUT? I'M GOING TO JAIL NOW, FOR SURE...!" he cried, falling to his knees.

Murray rushed into the room, hearing his screaming. He ran over to Sly, crouching next to him. "What's wrong, buddy?" he put his hand on the shoulder of the smaller of the two of them.

"I..We...SOMEONE MADE EVERYTHING ABOUT US INTO A VIDEO GAME! The police will find it and arrest us for sure!" Sly choked out through whiny sobs.

Murray looked at the TV screen. "Sweet banana pudding! You're right! NOOOO!" he yelled the last part, falling over, unconscious.

Sly decided it was time for him to take a nap, too, so he layed down, crying himself to sleep. "No..noooo..I..don't..wanna..parrot." he muttered as he drifted off. To where, no one would ever know.

* * *

Jazz: Okay, you're full'a random shet. It's official.

WC: What? Just because I had no plans for this except that my fingers did all the typing, not me?

Sub: ....what.

Jazz: I don't know.

WC: Exactly!

WC: Peace out. TILL NEXT TIME! /Flee

/ WC Dropped 23 gil.

WC: Dangit!


End file.
